托福考试写作资料：独立写作3
发布时间：2013/8/3 21:14:39 来源：城市网学院 编辑：admin
Score 4 Essay—Sample 1
There are different opinion regarding how long young adults should live with their parents. Some argues that the sooner a young adults be#e independence is the better while other think that it will be beneficial if they can live with their parents longer. In my opinion both have positive and negative sides. This essay will provide arguments for each case.
Some young adults favor for leaving their parents soon. They want to live free, independence from their parents' supervision. The good thing about being independence as soon as possible is that they can learn how to live by themselves. They must think how to support their living, otherwise they will still need the help of their parents and can not be independence. Living in their own will teach them how to be tough in facing real difficulties. But, staying away from parents soon could also lead to negative behaviour if the young adults can not control themselves. They might think that they can do whatever they want with the friends they like. If their friends give bad influence on them, no one will warn them and they can have problems. Thus, I will agree for young adults to be#e independence as soon as possible if they are already mature enough and able to control themselves.
Parents can help to judge this before they release them.
In the case of young adult is not mature enough, I believe that staying with parents will be better. Parents can provide guidance and help when their children need it. But, if the children is be#e too dependent on their parents, they will have difficulties in their older lives of be#ing independece as the parents will not be available for them anymore. So parents in some way should teach their children about independence, for example by giving them responsibilities that should be handled without supervision. Based on those arguments, I would like to say that either way could be better that the other depending on the maturity of young adults themselves. If they are mature and have selfcontrol then living independently is better, otherwise they better stay with their parents until ready.
Rater's Comments
The points made in this essay are thoroughly developed and concretely supported. The essay is well organized and coherent, with a nice flow. What keeps the response from scoring a 5 is the number of noticeable errors in structure and word choice: “Some argues,” “favor for leaving,” “living in their own,” “be#e independence,” “if the children is be#e too dependent” None of these errors interferes with meaning, but their quantity and effect earns the essay a score of 4.
