托福考试写作资料：独立写作4
发布时间：2013/8/3 21:14:56 来源：城市网学院 编辑：admin
Score 4 Essay—Sample 2
Independence from the family at early stages of life is a #mon phenomena exists in our society, moving out from the family house to live on your own in early ages of your adult life has an advantages and disadvantages. However, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Independency is generally good and helpful for the individual, because it teaches individuals how to take care of different responsibilities, and how to handle things by yourself, people needs to know how to live independently of others, because eventually they will have to. So, the desire to get your independence from your family when you are young adult is good because it shows the some kind of individual maturity for being aware of the ultimate situation, when you have to move out and live on your own.
On the other hand, adults should consider moving out when they are sure that they are ready for it. Being ready includes being financially, physically, and psychologically ready. One major advantage for staying with your parents is financially advantage. Because one gets to save money between the residency and daily living issues.
Nowadays, life has be#e harder for the new generations to live and keep up with. And in order to do that, individualls needs to be fully equiped in terms of education, support, and maturity. And by staying with the family, one would not have to worry about a lot of issues, instead, one will concerntrate more on getting equiped for the next step in his life, which is moving out and getting independent of others.
In conclusion, although moving out when you are still a young adult to live independently from the family has some good point, the disadvantages of it over#e these good points.
Rater's Comments
This essay is clearly organized and unified, though it does remain on a fairly abstract level. It is also generally well developed. Sentence structure is varied, but there are noticeable errors in syntax and expression (“is financially advantage;” “has an advantages” “Because one gets to save money between the residency and daily living issues.” “getting independent of others”). These errors earn this essay a score of 4.
