托福考试写作资料：独立写作6
发布时间：2013/8/3 21:15:22 来源：城市网学院 编辑：admin
Young adults show different patterns of behavior when they have to decide whether continuing to live with their family or not. For instance, in United States young adults prefer to live separated from they parents as soon as possible. This tendency reflects wises of freedom and independence. Altough these behavior has remarkable advantages and disadvantage, the advantage can overwhelm the negative effects.
It is important to recognize that by living separated from parents or family can be more risked than living with them. Many young adults are victims of group pressure and gangs because of theirs parents absence.
However, a significant advantage of living by oneself is that people develop leadership skills. Individuals that live by themselves learn to do and sustain their own decisions. On the contrary, people who live with their parents are more shy and less confident. For instance, many of the greatest world leaders are or have been people that were separated from their parents when they were kids.
Another advantage of living indepently is that people can fully develop their creative potential. When people is forced to difficult situations, they can surprise us with outstanding abilities and values that otherwise remained hidden. A good example are blind people, these person show a remarkable ability for art and music. In a similar way, when parents are absent or too away for help, individuals manage to survive and be successful.
Rater's Comments
Though slightly stronger than the average essay with a score of 3, this essay fails to earn ascore of 4 mainly because of errors that obscure meaning (“reflects wises of freedom and independence”). Also, connections among ideas are not always #pletely clear, For example, the details used to support the points made in paragraphs 3 and 4 are concrete but not well connected to each other or to the generalizations made by the writer.
